


Adorable Hell

by ctrling



Series: Phan One-Shots [4]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, Self-Harm, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-22
Updated: 2015-06-22
Packaged: 2018-04-05 17:00:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4187727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ctrling/pseuds/ctrling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on the lyrics, "You're adorable as hell, but I'm glancing at your wrist." Brief mentions of self-harm, so don't read if you might be triggered!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Adorable Hell

**Author's Note:**

> I sort of hate this, and it's rushed in places, but I spent a lot of time on it, so I'm posting it anyway.

_“You’re adorable as hell, but I’m glancing at your wrist.”_

Phil Lester often hung out at the local coffee shop after his classes finished for the day. The atmosphere was calm, the smell relaxing. Sitting in the small coffee shop, he was able to focus on his school work and actually get things done. After months of going there, he had grown quite accustomed to the workers and a few of them he felt he was heading toward friendship with.

                Amy and Rick were there when he arrived, serving customers. He waved hello at them and walked to his seat. Normally, he would go up and talk to them, but the shop was packed today and he didn’t want to distract them from their job.

                For the most part, all of the tables were occupied, save for a few in a more secluded corner, and Phil was quick to take one, spreading out his homework over the tabletop.

                He briefly considered leaving, but he did want to get some coffee after he got a good start on his homework and he really liked how the place made him feel. He tuned out all of the sounds around him and got to work.

                After a few minutes—he wasn’t sure how long—a guy came up and asked, “Can I sit here? All of the other tables are full.”

                Phil was so absorbed in his work that he hadn’t noticed as the place grew more crowded, but without even looking up, he answer, “Sure.”

                He heard the sound of the cup of coffee being placed on the table and the sound of the chair scraping against the floor, but still, he didn’t look up, too obsessed with getting his work done. Every other time he failed to finish his homework at the coffee shop, he never finished it before going to bed and would have to rush to finish it in the early hours of the morning. He really didn’t want that to happen again, so ignoring the stranger was what he had to do.

                It seemed as if the stranger had other ideas.

                “So, what’s your name?” the guy asked awkwardly. “I’m Dan.”

                “Phil,” he answered, looking up. He figured the guy had already distracted him from his work, so he might as well take a break.

                The guy was gorgeous, Phil had to admit. He had brown hair styled into a fringe, and his brown eyes were bright and happy-looking, but there were dark circles under his eyes, a sign that he might be a bit of an insomniac. He was smiling at Phil, and when he smiled, he had dimples (Phil internally swooned at the sight; dimples were a weakness of his). He was wearing a pastel green jumper, which Phil thought was weird as it was nearing summer, but he shrugged it off.  As Phil stared at him, he stared right back with wide eyes, and he kept reaching up to check his fringe.

                By this point, after Phil had thoroughly checked this guy out, he realized that if he continued to stare at him observingly any longer it would definitely be creepy. In his defense, however, Dan could have said something, too. But he wasn’t going to get defensive about it.

                “Do you come here often?” Dan asked.

                It was a cliché conversation starter, and Phil really didn’t want to start a conversation because he really did have to do his school work. But the guy had already distracted him, so he was going to reply anyway.

                “Almost every day after school,” he said.

                “How old are you?”

                “I’m nineteen.”

                “So, you’re in college?” Dan asked.

                Phil nodded, turning his head back down to face his school work. He really did need to get it finished, but if he continued to talk to the other guy, he knew he wouldn’t finish it before he left the shop and went to bed.

                “I’m still in high school.”

                Phil shut him out after that. He felt bad for it; he really did. But he had a bright future ahead of him that was resting on his ability to finish his work on time. “I’m sorry, but I have to do my homework,” Phil said as an afterthought a few minutes after he stopped responding.

                Finally Dan shut up and Phil was able to finish his work in an hour. By the time he was done, Dan was already gone without a single goodbye. As soon as he finished, he left the place and went home.

* * *

 

A few days later, Phil went back to the coffee shop. It wasn’t nearly as packed as it had been previously, and for that, he was grateful because it meant that he wouldn’t have to share his table with another talkative stranger.

                He ordered his coffee, a caramel macchiato, and sat down at table near the front of the shop. The light streamed in, illuminating his work, and he had a good view of all the busy people walking around in front of the place.

                With his homework laid out in front of him, he got to work, scribbling down answers and explanations. It was easy work that required little thought, and he quickly finished after only thirty minutes.

                He remained sitting as he slowly finished his coffee, merely enjoying the atmosphere.

                He was ripped out of his thoughts when Dan sat down at his table again.

                “I know there are other spots, but I thought I would come over and say hi,” he said, resting his elbows on the table and pulling the pastel sweater he was wearing further over his hands. “You looked lonely.”

                “Are you always this persistent?” Phil asked, laughing slightly as he leaned forward in his seat. He copied the younger boy and put his elbows on the table.  

                “No,” he responded, “but I am pretty bored. Entertain me.”

                Phil didn’t really have anything to say, but he did find Dan’s confidence fascinating. He decided to get to know the guy.  

                They talked a lot about useless stuff, but in the midst of all their mindless rambling, they had also managed to learn something about the other. Phil learned that Dan really liked Muse (just like him) and pastel colors. Phil told Dan that he liked black and tattoos and piercings. By the time Phil left, he truly felt like he had made a good friend and he had Dan’s cellphone number, too.

* * *

 

Over the course of a month, their friendship only grew stronger. The more they learned about each other, the closer they got, and eventually, Phil started to consider Dan his best friend. His friend, Chris, thought it was a bit weird that he was hanging out with a sixteen year old, but even he had agreed that they were good friends.

                “Don’t you think somebody might find it a little creepy that a nineteen year old is good friends with a sixteen year old?” Chris had asked.

                “It’s not like we’re having sex, Chris,” Phil had responded and that was the end of the discussion. (But Phil couldn’t deny that he felt something a little more than platonic love towards Dan.)

                Now, they were all going to meet each other, because Phil didn’t think it was right to keep his two best friends separate and he was sure that they would get along.

                They met at the coffee shop. Dan and Phil had both agreed that it felt fitting because it was where they had also met.

                Dan and Chris had gotten along nicely. Occasionally, Chris said something sexual, which would cause Dan to blush (and Phil to internally coo because Dan was so innocent), but for the most part, there were no awkward situations or silences.

                By the end of the night, Phil was sure that he had a crush on Dan.

* * *

For Dan’s seventeenth birthday, Phil got him tickets to see Fall Out Boy live. After he gave him his present, they hung out in Phil’s bedroom for a while.

                “I can’t believe I’m already done with my junior year. I’m going to be a senior,” Dan said, lying down on Phil’s bed right next to Phil. “I don’t think I’m ready to make such important life decisions.”

                Dan played with the ends of his sweater, much like he always did, as Phil ran his fingers through hair. His flower crown was sitting on top of Phil’s nightstand, as it had been long forgotten.

                “You’ll be fine,” Phil said in a gentle voice. “I believe in you.”

                Dan turned over so that he and Phil were facing each other. “I just—I’m not sure what I want to do with my life, you know? My parents want me to do law, and at one point, I liked that idea. But I don’t think I’m cut out to do that and I don’t want to disappoint them.”

                “Dan,” Phil said, looking straight into his eyes, “I’m sure your parents will understand if you choose to go into another field of work.”

                “They—” Dan started, but Phil lightly pressed his lips against the other boy’s to shut him up. It wasn’t the fireworks that he had been expecting, but it was a warm, tingling sensation that washed over his body and clouded his mind. He had never thought that kissing someone could feel so good, because every other time he had kissed someone, it had been because of convenience and not because of feelings.

                Dan was frozen for a few seconds and Phil considered pulling away out of embarrassment but he was in too far already. Luckily, shortly after he initiated the kiss, Dan reciprocated, enhancing the enchanting feeling.

                Pulling away, Phil said, “It doesn’t matter what your parents want; all that matters is what you want.”

                The next day, Phil asked Dan out on a date. A week later, they went to the fair that was in town. It was hot out and Dan was wearing yet another long-sleeved shirt and a pair of skinny jeans; Phil was worried, but he figured it was for nothing. Phil paid, despite Dan’s protests, and they went on a bunch of rides. And just to be ironic, when they went on the Ferris wheel, they kissed at the top. Right before Phil dropped Dan off, he asked him to be his boyfriend and he said yes.

                Chris was instantly supportive when Phil told him, and Phil was glad that his best friend had gotten over his issue with the age difference.

* * *

 

Right before school started up again, Phil and Dan had decided to go on a lunch date to the coffee shop. It was still hot out, but Dan still insisted on wearing his sweaters. Phil was curious, but he brushed off his curiosity, deciding that Dan probably just preferred long sleeves to short sleeves.  

                “I’ll order you a caramel macchiato while you go get us a table,” Phil told Dan.

                It was packed again and there were few tables open and a long line of people waiting to order. The noise levels were high, but the coffee shop still had that familiar smell that Phil loved.

                He hadn’t been to shop in a while, since school had let out and he was constantly hanging out with Dan at either his house or Dan’s.

                When he reached the front of the line, he saw Rick taking orders.

                “I haven’t seen you in forever,” Rick said after he placed his order.

                “I’ve been busy,” Phil said in response. “And it’s summer so I don’t have any school work to do.”

                Their conversation was short lived because the line was getting impatient. Phil got his and Dan’s coffee and walked over to the table Dan was sitting at.

                “Do you think it’s important that I go to college?” Dan asked as Phil sat down at the table, placing their cups down, too.

                “No, if you don’t want to go, don’t do it. There are plenty of jobs that you can get without getting a college degree. You could write books or you could make films,” Phil responded, sipping on his drink.

                Dan stared at his cup. “But my parents will be disappointed.”

                “Your happiness is far more important than what your parents will think.”

                Later that day, they were at Phil’s house, on his bed. They were making out when Phil had slipped his hand under Dan’s shirt and slowly inched it up. They had never gone further than making out before and Phil wasn’t quite sure if he was even ready, but for some reason, he found himself hesitantly pulling Dan’s shirt off.

                When Phil pulled away to completely pull the shirt off, Dan flipped out and quickly pulled his shirt down. It was too late; Phil had already seen what was on Dan’s ribs.

                “Dan,” Phil said cautiously, “what were those?”

                “What do you mean?” Dan asked awkwardly, giving a fake laugh at the end.

                “Dan.”

                Dan looked away, refusing to meet Phil’s gaze, and his eyes darted all around as Phil tried to move to catch his eye.

                “Take off your shirt, Dan.”

                He slowly lifted his shirt up as he started to cry. Right before he pulled his shirt over his head, he said, “You’re going to think I’m a freak.”

                Phil stared at Dan’s chest, arms and wrists worriedly. What Dan had hid under his shirt was horrible. Scars, some fresh and some old, littered his body. Red cuts lined his wrists. The more Phil looked, the more he felt tears falling out of his eyes. Before he knew it, he was full out sobbing as he pulled Dan into a big hug.

                “I don’t think you’re a freak,” he said. “I just think you need somebody supportive right now.”

                Before, Phil had thought Dan was so innocent. He had blushed at Chris’ dirty jokes and he wore pastel jumpers and flower crowns. But Phil had been so wrong. Dan must have gone through a lot to want to hurt himself and things that mentally scar you so much that you feel the need to physically scar yourself weren’t innocent.

                “Please don’t leave me,” Dan said, hiccupping and crying. “I’ve been under so much stress lately. My parents are pressuring me into going into law, and they never take my opinions into consideration. Everything I want is wrong to them. It’s hard.”

                “Shh,” Phil mumbled, “I’ve got you.” He pressed small kisses along Dan’s jaw and his neck, ending with a kiss right on his nose. “It’s going to be hard; I’m not going to lie to you, but I will be with you through it all. I promise. If you ever need somebody to talk to, I want you to come to me, and if you ever relapse, I want you to tell me. Okay?”

                “Okay,” Dan said.

                Pulling away, Phil leaned down and kissed his scarred skin.

                They had only been dating for a few months, but Phil knew what he felt.

                “I love you,” Phil said, “and nothing will change that.”

                “I love you, too.” 


End file.
